The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of Bullsh*t

Let's yap about the Winter Olympics!

Since I wrote a whole book about Olympic ice dancers (and am currently working on another), you might assume I enjoy the Winter Olympics.

But no, I do not “enjoy” the Winter Olympics. 🥇 I LIVE FOR THE WINTER OLYMPICS 🥇 I have Olympic Fever and the only cure is MORE OLYMPICS.

Next Thursday is my 20th anniversary with my partner, and what will we be doing to celebrate the occasion? You guessed it, we will be watching the Olympics. (We started dating during the Torino Games, so he knew what he was getting into from the start!)

⛸️ If You Root for This Team, I’m Judging You

While I will watch literally any Olympic sport and cheer so loudly from my living room sofa that I scare my dog, I am of course most invested in figure skating. The first ice dance event, the rhythm dance, was on Monday, and the free dance is today.

I am officially rooting for Americans Madison Chock and Evan Bates, but truly I am rooting for smug French rape apologists Laurence Fournier-Beaudry and Guillaume Cizeron to fall on their (upsettingly perfect) asses and lose out on the gold. I would love for them to be knocked off the podium entirely, but alas, though they are terrible people, they are phenomenal ice dancers and have a (very narrow! but still) lead going into the free.

Same, Madi, same.

If you’d like more context about why Laurence and Guillaume are très problématique, a few links for you:

• The Nice Capades Substack is my go-to recommendation for The Favorites readers who want to get into skating IRL, and Maryann wrote a great post explaining their villainy a few months back.

• This article posted today has the most up-to-date and comprehensive rundown I’ve seen, including Guillaume’s lawsuit against his former partner Gabriella Papadakis, and the victim-blaming bullshit Laurence continues to spew.

• And of course, you can also listen to the FictionMatters podcast episode I recorded with Sara Hildreth and Denne Michele Norris, where we talk shit about Guillaume and several other problematic guys in the skating world (because no matter how much I love the Olympic Games, that could never override my first love ✨misandry✨)

I also recommend Glitter & Gold, the ice dance docuseries Netflix just released, for a good overview of the behind-the-scenes drama in this year’s ice dance competition (and for my very brief cameo in the crowd at Worlds!), but IMHO they gave Fournier-Beaudry & Cizeron a far better edit than they deserved. Sure, Adam Rippon got to call their partnership “sinister,” but Laurence also got plenty of airtime to cry hot-girl tears about how hard her boyfriend sexually assaulting someone has been for her.

Sure, babe. You’re the real victim here. 😒

Enough about those assholes, let’s talk about the teams you should be rooting for!

⛸️ Shaw & Rocha-Coded Ice Dance Teams

I’ve seen a lot of people posting videos of Madison Chock and Evan Bates with captions about how much they remind them of Katarina Shaw and Heath Rocha from The Favorites. And, while I appreciate the Favorites love, I have to laugh because, talented as they are, Chock & Bates are probably the least Shaw & Rocha-esque team in the field.

Madi and Evan are so wholesome and boring, you guys. They are, by all accounts, extremely nice and normal people, happily married with adorable fur babies. During Glitter & Gold filming, they apparently supplied so little drama that the final cut includes a whole scene of Madi talking about her favorite Japanese yogurt brand.

Scintillating.

While (thankfully) none of the teams at the Milano-Cortina Olympics seem prone to Favorites-level soap operatics, here are some ice dance couples who’ve got a little more of that Shaw & Rocha vibe:

🇺🇸 Emilea Zingas & Vadym Kolesnik

Young, gorgeous, head-over-heels in love, and scrappy as hell — definite early-years Kat and Heath vibes with these two! Emi and Vadym, aka Zingnik, have only been partnered for 4 years (before that she was a singles skater, believe it or not) and weren’t originally expected to make the 2026 Olympic team, but they skyrocketed this season, all the way to a Grand Prix Final spot and a silver medal at U.S. Nationals. They are fast, athletic, exciting, and one of the few ice dance teams where I find myself watching both partners equally (vs. the She’s Everything, He’s Just Ken energy of Chock & Bates and so many other couples).

🇱🇹 Allison Reed & Saulius Ambrulevičius

Another team where I have trouble taking my eyes off either one of them. They are not romantically involved, just good pals, but like Kat and Heath they’re both regulation hotties and well aware of it. For their rhythm dance, they skate to “I’m Too Sexy,” and every time I’m like HELL YES YOU ARE. If I could, I would award Allison and Saul a special gold medal in Causing a Bisexual Crisis for Me, Personally 🥇

🇮🇹 Charlene Guignard & Marco Fabbri

The hometown heroes at the Milan Olympics, these two are a married couple. They had a rough start to the season, and there were rumors of infidelity on her part. Whatever’s going on off the ice, they seem to have gotten it together in time for the Games — and I sincerely hope they work it out longterm, because Charlene always says hi to their pet chinchilla in the kiss and cry, and I don’t want that poor chinchilla to grow up in a broken home!!

🇪🇸 Olivia Smart & Tim Dieck

They are definitely one of the She’s Everything teams, but I have to include them here because Olivia Smart is so freaking fierce. The ultimate ice dance baddie, always serving the maximum amount of face and body possible both on ice and off. I’ve had a massive crush on her since the 2022 Olympic season, when she did a sexy af Mask of Zorro program with her previous partner Adrian Diaz.

Tim is also good, I guess? I have honestly never looked at him for even a second. When they’re on the ice, it’s all about Olivia, as it should be. If I could hand-pick a current ice dancer to play Katarina Shaw in a movie, it would be her, no question.

🇺🇸 Christina Carreira & Anthony Ponomarenko

My personal favorites, coached by Scott Moir (of Virtue & Moir) and Madison Hubbell (of Hubbell & Donohue, my former favorite ice dance team until Zach went Full MAGA post-retirement and gave me the permanent ick). They’re not an off-ice couple either, but their chemistry is 🔥🔥🔥 and they always bring the heat. This bit of choreo from their Carmen free dance last season still lives rent-free in my brain:

Anthony is also ice dance royalty: his parents are 1992 Olympic gold medalists Marina Klimova and Sergei Ponomarenko. Marina and Sergei were major inspirations for Veronika Volkova and her partner in The Favorites, and they also did an epic Dracula program (which I actually had not seen when I decided to have Kat and Heath do a vampire-themed free dance in The Favorites, but I have watched it many times since).

I was going to do some winter sports reading recs, but Substack is telling me I’m almost at the post limit, so I’ll save those for next week.

Paid subscribers, I’ll be back in your inbox on Friday the 13th with a special Wuthering Heights-themed treat ❤️‍🔥

Until then, feel free to talk shit in the comments, and check out my Instagram for more unhinged ice dance fangirling (and probably a total crashout if Madi & Evan don’t manage to triumph in the free, COME ON TEAM USA 🤞🇺🇸🤞🇺🇸🤞).